i’ve got this friend*


I’ve got this friend who was obsessed with the Lord of the Rings movies. She read all the books, read The Silmarillion, Unfinished Tales, and all the other histories of Middle Earth. She regrettably got very involved in online forums discussing the particulars of dwarvish ancestry and hobbit genealogy. She watched the extended DVDs and the hours and hours of extras like it was her job. She played at learning the two Elven languages. She even sewed her own costume to attend the midnight showing of The Two Towers (and if you think she didn’t pull it out again–complete with beaded headdress–for Return of the King, you’d be wrong).

Most of all, my friend believed she was an Elf.

My friend is tall and felt like she’d finally found her people in the Elves. People whose height was a thing of beauty, not a thing of awkwardness.

And now, LOOK:

She has her chance! Peter Jackson is hiring Elven extras for The Hobbit! My friend quickly googled “182 cm in feet and inches” to see if she qualified.

Do you know how tall 182 cm is? 5 feet, 11 21/32 inches. My friend is 5 feet, 10 inches.

Her life is OVER. Peter Jackson just crushed her dreams. The life of the Eldar is leaving her.

* Ok, ok, it’s not a friend. It’s me! (Also, how many of you have that song in your heads now?)

P.S. Apparently somewhere else online where this article was posted, someone commented in response: “I just booked my 17 hour flight to New Zealand. Peter Jackson, look to my coming at first light on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the east.” That person is awesome.




  1. Lan

    an inch should not stop you! what would Legolas say?! he would say it is wrong for you to despair.

    i confess to being a LOTR fan, but i did not read the books until after the first two movies came out. i am also trying to put forth the effort to read the Hobbit. at one point i played with the idea of getting a tattoo of my name in Elvish. my cousin convinced two people at a club once that i spoke Elvish, i did not correct her. i too dressed up for the midnight showing of ROTK, complete with ears.

    if it is any consolation, i am only 5″5 and i’m ASIAN. and sometimes, i say OUT LOUD to my love: “a red sun rises, blood has been spilled this night.” just because.

  2. joannalinberg

    Everything about this is SO amazing. You had the EARS! Ugh, how are you so cool? And I definitely checked ticket prices. $1,200 from Las Vegas (where I’ll be this weekend) to Wellington. It could happen.

  3. Jillisa

    totally have that song in my head now after successfully changing it to justin bieber not too long ago. I think your other elven friend Keri might still have a chance

  4. Laura

    I learn so much about you from this blog…I love it! I can see a LOTR marathon in our future. BTW, Wellington is like a quick 3-hour plane ride from me. :) xo

  5. Tim

    Joanna! I read all those, too! All the extras, additions, and histories. I felt a little crazy attached after I read them all. I liked The Silmarillion the best!

  6. joannalinberg

    I occasionally re-read the creation story in The Silmarillion to soak in the imagery. I loved that, too! Ok, next trip to Nashville = Lord of the Rings marathon.

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