I’ve kept a running list of my wants, big and little, for the last few weeks: I want to be in Montana with my sisters, I want to be home with Brad, I want to finish re-filing all our files, I want to move, I want to have a sense of purpose, I want to share a meal with my family, I want more time, I want to delete all my e mail and never go back, I want to make more time to write here.
Carolyn Weber made me do it. I read her book Surprised by Oxford a few weeks ago and one question she asked stuck with me: What do our wants say about the front lines of our faith in God? Or, as I began to think of it: Every want in my life, whatever I might call it, is really a want for more of God.
To test this, I’ve been questioning my wants, wiping away the circumstantial casing I’ve given them, and trying to match them with what my spirit really wants from God.
I want to be in Montana with my sisters. I want a more tangible closeness with God the Father.
I want to be home with Brad. I want real intimacy with the Man who loves me more than my husband does. I want to be in God’s rest and take it with me wherever I am.
I want to finish re-filing all our files. I want God to order my life as clearly as my labels do our papers.
I want to move. I want God to lead me and place me.
I want to have a sense of purpose. I want to find contentment in what God has for me.
I want to share a meal with my family. I want to hunger for God and be content with the blessing of food.
I want more time. I want to savor minute after minute of God’s goodness.
I want to delete all my e mail and never go back. I want peace.
I want to make more time to write here. I want to reflect on what God is telling me and teaching me and encourage others with it.
This forces me to answer that sticky question–Is God really enough? I know He offers all these things to me, but am I taking them? Am I living them?
I’m not, but I want to.
What do you want right now?
Wrote a whole blog entry in response:
“….The more abstract challenge I share as side by side as I can from 18 hrs apart, I share with Joanna.
My older sister asked, “What do you want right now?” In and of itself, perhaps, not too hard to figure out. A million dollars, right? World peace? No, really. What to do you want right now, and what does that reveal about what you are really wanting from God?….”